It is impossible to have a conversation when you have children. Be it on the phone or in person. You can’t give anyone your complete attention, not even yourself or your kids. Your attention is always diluted. I’m always feeling like a bad friend. I don’t have time to call anyone and have a conversation, not that I like the phone all that much anyway, but still even if I wanted to I couldn’t. It’s hard enough trying to put together a quick text without being interrupted. When I finally get the boys to bed I have stuff that I need to do and none of it ever gets completely done. Finally, I just want my glass of wine and the TV. I’m sorry but I forgot about making that phone call to catch up. It doesn’t mean I don’t think about my friends at all, but it seems like it’s always at an inopportune time. One of the things I need to work on this year is being a better friend.
Then there are the boys. There are three of those little buggers. The three of them all yelping at once like a pack of coyotes. Not one of them gets my undivided attention. Again, it’s always diluted. I was thrilled the other day to get a chance to pick up Logan at school. Just he and I. He came with me to get my license renewed and we just talked. No one else to attend to, just he and I…a rare moment. We may not have been doing anything fun, but I enjoyed the one-on-one. I bring Deacon to work with me a few times a week, but then again my attention is diluted because I’m doing work. Another thing to work on…fun one-on-one time with each of the boys. Even homework time with Logan is divided up into me cleaning up after dinner, keeping the other two in check, while assisting with the homework. I’m feeling spread too thin.
Then there is my husband. I totally listen to him and can repeat back what he’s telling me about his day, but that to-do list is going through my head at the exact same moment. Lucky for me I can multi-task. It’s going to be tough but I really want to work on focusing ALL of my attention to each individual, one by one. I want quality time with each loved one and friend. It’s going to be hard but I want to try. Even you readers right now are not getting all of my attention. I’m listening to two little boys bicker over which lego person is going to fly the spaceship…and I don’t think they finished their lunch. Need to go check. 1-2-3 breathe.