It was 2nd trimester report card day today. I knew what to expect. I know they both struggle in reading, but Logan has improved so much I was hoping for a little better. Deacon…well I could go on a complete rant about his teacher but I promised myself months ago that I would not go there. I’m seriously contemplating having him do kindergarten again with a different teacher seeing he just made the mark to enter this year.
What’s really getting to me is that I feel like an absolute failure. I feel like I’ve failed them by being a mom who works full time. I don’t have enough time in the week to give them each that individual time they need. It’s the same thing day in and day out. Get home at 5pm, make dinner, have dinner and talk about our day, get homework done (give someone homework I printed out because his teacher doesn’t give him homework), baths/showers, brush teeth, read books, and then bed by 8. This is the time I see my kids during the week aside from the hour of getting ready in the morning. That’s it. Three hours of scheduled time. I’ve made sight word memory games and flash cards but we don’t have the time every night to do them. There just isn’t enough time! It drives me crazy and I feel completely awful about it. And you know what, sometimes I just want to play knights and dragons. We read books together every night, but with the three of them together no one can truly focus. Logan gets frustrated and it’s just not fair to him. I need individual quiet time with each one of them, which is nearly impossible during the week.
I want to be the mom that picks up her kids at school. Gets them a snack and then gets homework done right away. I can’t be that mom. I can’t be that mom that I want to be. It’s depressing. There is nothing I can do about it. I HAVE to work full time. Tonight was a night I just needed to rant. That’s the one thing I love about blogging…a space to just let it all out. Maybe find someone else out there that experiences the same thing. So, I’m going to pour myself a glass a wine and tell myself that it’s okay, I do the best I can, and it will all turn out okay.