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Man-Cold vs. The Common Cold

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The “man-cold” has struck our house. It’s completely different than the common cold, don’t get them confused. See, only women get the common cold. When a man gets it, it’s the man-cold and they’re near death. If you didn’t hear them the first time that they told you their throat was fire, don’t worry they’ll tell 172 more times. Don’t dare ask if they took anything for it. The answer will be “no.” You see, they rather just bitch and complain about their impending death and seek your pity rather than take something that will make them feel better. They can’t function. The only thing that works are their fingers for the TV remote and the video game controls. They’ll be out of commission for a week and vocally complain the ENTIRE TIME.

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As the children look on they learn about man-colds too. They breed another generation of humans who can’t handle a cold. At the first sneeze our little children think they have “man-colds” too. Their shoulders droop and they start fake coughing and sniffling just to try to get out of school. They’re preparing for their performances as real men. It’s an endless cycle.

phil dunphy

Then there are women. We just deny that we’re getting sick. “Not getting sick, not getting sick, not getting sick.” We REFUSE to get sick. Even when we feel that scratchy throat coming on…we play it off as just allergies. It’s nothing. We continue about our business most likely infecting numerous others because we’re in denial. We’re “not sick.”

Photo Credit: BuzzFeed
Photo Credit: BuzzFeed

Then the truth and acceptance comes. “Oh shit, I’m sick.”…..

Then we take something and go about our business while feeling sick and NOT complaining about our impending death the entire time.

 

Dear Husband, I still love you. Man-Cold and all. Hope you fell better SOON!

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